


Scandal in Zoom university

by sugar_rush_JB



Category: GOT7
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, Misunderstandings, Online Romance, Teacher-Student Relationship, jackson and youngjae are a menace, jb is whipped, online surrounding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:06:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25475842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugar_rush_JB/pseuds/sugar_rush_JB
Summary: A fic where a teacher's assistant Mark and student Jaebeom find themselves in an unusual routine
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Mark Tuan
Comments: 15
Kudos: 42





	1. What just happened

**Author's Note:**

> please tell me what you think and thank you for reading <3

Jaebeom is studying for a degree in music at Seoul National University. He’s in his senior year now and one of his elective classes was to take Marketing and Public Image when he was choosing the electives - hesitant and not at all pleased, he never expected that a subject like that could be taught by a face as sculpted and handsome as one is of Mark Tuan. 

Mr. Tuan is just a TA but he’s been holding classes ever since their academic year began. The professor in charge of the module went somewhere away for work and instead of taking a two-month leave, he’s decided to put his assistant in charge until the end - “Mr. Tuan will take care of you” he wrote in a short email to the students. 

Upon seeing the information, Jaebeom sent silent prayers to the heavens because while his mind can’t deal with all the marketing plans and essays about the importance of keeping your wits in public and dealing with the media, he still deemed that the biggest blessing SNU gave him was being able to drool over the handsome teacher’s assistant. 

Jaebeom didn’t know much about Mr. Tuan, or just Mark, as he preferred for the students to call him by the first name because Mark was only three years older than the rest of them. He moved to Seoul six years ago also to attend SNU and along the way found his love for teaching, he also owns a dog and likes Overwatch. 

Those are the only information Jaebeom could find out about him and he decided to treasure it until the opportunity comes up. Meaning that he’s holding onto that for after he graduates and makes a move onto the assistant. 

He’s tried several times to ask Mark for help or mention anything that could be of interest to Mark during lectures, but every time Jaebeom tried, his throat would clench and mouth dry out.  
Every time Mark entered the auditorium Jaebeom would get a sudden waft of electricity across his chest. It amazed him how looking and thinking about Mark never gave him butterflies, it felt exciting and like nothing Jaebeom ever experienced. He would fight his friends for saying that he only feels like that because “Mark is forbidden fruit.”

Winter semester was over sooner than Jaebeom expected, it was only an intro for the real planning and analyses that were scheduled for the spring semester. Those plans, however, were messed up because of a world pandemic. Universities and students were forced to adapt to a sudden change in holding lectures - Zoom university was born. 

Jaebeom had no idea how to feel about that. He was back in his hometown and while he appreciated the time spent with his parents, he sulked. He sulked for days how is going to get his TA’s attention when they are separated by miles and miles away? 

Days before the official start of the online classes, he got an email of information on how to work with the application along with pointers on how to make his account presentable and academic enough. All students were required to put a selfie on their icons and keep their microphones on during the whole lesson. Jaebeom spent the day overthinking how he’s going to manage to get a suitable icon that would show the university administration how professional he is, but at the same time, he had to look handsome enough for Mark. 

After fiddling with his phone for two hours to get the perfect selfie, he just put it down on the cold floor tile because his phone was near the temperature of boiling. Eventually, he set up his account on the application and managed to choose one selfie he deemed as good enough. 

The night before the lectures started again, he lied in his bed thinking about different scenarios that could play out during the period he will spend sitting by his oak table and too comfortable of a chair in his room.  
He enjoyed his home environment; from the subtle lavender fabric softener, his mum used, to photos he put on the wall above his desk, the countless CDs and records he had lying above on the shelves and under his bed… 

He thought about how he’s going to miss the physical lessons, not only because he wasn’t sure how, in the online environment, he’s gonna see Mark’s sculpted, blemish-free face with the perfect nose and full lips, he also already missed his friends he’d go with for a beer after a long day of lessons.

The next morning he woke up to his mum’s yelling to wake up, “Are you trying to pull the same nonsense like in high school, son?” she asked. Jaebeom shivered upon the memory of his father dragging him up from the bed one day because enough was enough - Jaebeom was late to school way too many times. 

Little did his parents know, Marketing and Public Image was held twice a week, at 9 in the morning as the first lecture to start his day. Last semester, he was late once for it because he stayed up until 3 in the morning, trying to find the perfect chord to go with his song. 

That day, he almost ripped his hair out worrying how is Mark going to react when he enters - Jaebeom did think about just skipping class and avoiding the menacing stare he was so sure Mark would throw at him, but alas, a good attendance score was important for the scholarship Jaebeom was under and he had to go in.

After psyching himself in front of the massive wooden doors of the auditorium the lessons were held, Jaebeom went in and every fear was washed away after Mark greeted him with a slight nod and “good morning Mr. Im.” Jaebeom still cringes when he remembers how he just stood at the entrance for a good few seconds staring at Mark until Jackson called him over and his legs barely moved to the narrow seat reserved for him. “Bro you’re too whipped for the TA” Jackson whispered and if they were in another lesson, Jaebeom would’ve definitely hit the back of his head.

It was 20 minutes before the start of the lecture and Jaebeom was already logged in, waiting for Mark to come on and start the lecture. He had his breakfast with him, already half-eaten but forgotten because of his running nerves. 

He was scrolling through his Twitter timeline on another tab opened when the application rang, signaling another participant just entered the room - it was Mark. Jaebeom flight instinct flared up and he was milliseconds away to just close the app and jump back in bed. 

That’s when Mark spoke up through his speaker, “good morning Mr. Im, always one of the first ones to show up I see. How did you enjoy your extra week off?”

Jaebeom was livid, he was so sure he was going to fall off the chair hearing Mark’s deep voice surround him in his room!  
Heart beating so loud he could’ve heard it in his eardrums, he slowly turned on his microphone and shakily spoke. “Yes, good morning, uh- Mark, I did enjoy the- the week, weeks, it’s nice.”

Oh, he would’ve slammed his head into the oak table if the microphone wasn’t on.

“I’m glad to hear that Jaebeom, I hope this semester will be fruitful despite the circumstances” Mark spoke up again and just as Jaebeom’s brain stopped buffering after hearing him say his name, other students joined in and their already turned on microphones, created noise loud enough to drown out anything Jaebeom would’ve said.

More students piled in the room and Mark slowly started with the introduction.  
He explained the materials necessary for the current semester, as is expected from students, and continued saying how much he values real-life lessons because of the contact. “That is why I will ask you all to also turn on your cameras too. I talked to other professors and even if it was not said in the email you got, we still think that students having their cameras on will not only make it easier for us speakers to still create some contact, but it will also put troublemakers in order. We wouldn’t want you playing games or walking around during the lesson. So please, do turn on your cameras.”

A choir of groans could be heard as students one by one started turning on their cameras and protesting how “unfair” or “totally irrelevant, Mr. Tuan” is to turn on their camera. 

Jaebeom waited until most of the students turned them on, and after he saw Jackson’s sleepy face - still in bed, with a big red hoodie on. 

He turned back to the wall facing his back and checked out the surroundings in one glance. If Mark paid attention to him, he’d see Jaebeom’s middle clothes’ chair - not too clean, not too dirty clothing was thrown on there, he would see the end of Jaebeom’s bed, above which was posters of his favorite artists, and one shelf that held frames securing photos of his family and friends. 

Maybe if Mark had a lucky day, he’d also see Jaebeom’s cat lying on the bed, but alas, she was outside right now. Glancing down himself, he noted his sweatshirt, the one he’s been wearing for the fifth day in a row, has some a coffee stain on, but overall, the sweatshirt was deemed to be presentable enough.

Mark’s voice reminding everyone to turn on their cameras made him hurry up to turn on the camera and that’s when he saw that Mark himself has finally turned on his too - the comfort of being his own home and luxury of probably being able to sleep much longer than usual was easily seen on Mark’s face. His face was the tiniest bit puffy from sleep and his attire was much more relaxed, Jaebeom took a moment to savor in how angelic he looks and also thanked the gods because Mark’s camera seemed to be very high definition - must be because he plays games so often, he needs good technology. 

After everyone was settled in once again, Mark began with the lecture. During the lecture, Jaebeom realized that being present to the lecture like that might not be so bad. 

He was alone in the house, he didn’t have rude people talking over Mark so the TA had 120% of his Jaebeom’s devoted attention. With the finishing words on why pricing is more important than people understand, Mark logged off and Jaebeom was left with a sudden emptiness in his chest. 

A sudden idea than he can just screenshot the lecture then drool over Mark popped up in his mind as an idea but common sense was faster to tell him that might not be the most morally correct thing.

Suddenly he was pulled out from his thoughts as Jackson invited him to a separate Zoom room. It was a private room with Jackson and a guy from the first year called Youngjae, apparently, future librarians are taking programs a bit differently and that's why he was sorted out with second years. 

They were already immersed in conversation when Jaebeom logged in the video call. It seemed that Jackson was filling Youngjae in on the TA whose lecture just ended.

“Morning guys. Why are you gossiping about Mark?” Jaebeom inquired

“Oh don’t worry, I just thought it’d be nice if I finally updated Youngjae on all the sappy things you’ve been telling me about Mark,” Jackson said without interest but suddenly he screeched like a bird and begun again, “oh my god Youngjae! Have I told you about the time he almost pissed himself when Mark-”

“STOP STOP STOP” Jaebeom plead but Youngjae’s loud laughing has started to fill the room and Jackson joined too.

Deciding he’s had it enough with people making a joke out of his failed crush, he exited the room and prepared materials for the next lesson - Music Behaviorist Theory, he can finally relax.


	2. Oops I saw wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jb and mark talk more, jackson and youngjae bully jaebeom <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: *giving you littlest markbum crumbs*  
> @ me on twitter aka offshoredef if you want

Sitting in front of his laptop 20 minutes early for the lecture like that Monday too, Jaebeom took the time to take a few deep breaths. He had a feeling this lecture would go easier, the fact his cat was lying on the footing of his bed also served as a little motivation for him - just like the sea or lavender smell, the presence of a cat purring nearby makes a calming atmosphere.

He was pulled out of his thoughts as the application rang once - someone joined the room. Jaebeom’s microphone and camera were still turned off because it wasn’t the time to turn them on yet but the person on the other end - Mark, of course it’s Mark. It appeared he has logged in and continued searching for something around his desk unaware that his camera turned on by itself.

Not knowing what to do, Jaebeom stayed sitting in his chair wide-eyed watching Mark’s movements. He pushed aside how wrong it is to watch someone who’s not aware of it and asked himself, did he even check that someone was already in the room? Maybe the latter didn’t have a good start of the day and didn’t care that the camera is on?

While Mark took his time to find whatever he was searching for, Jaebeom accepted his path to being a massive perv, and instead of just leaving and coming back at an appropriate time, he glanced over Mark’s study. During the Monday class, he only saw a sofa behind him and wide shelving full of books and memorabilia from games that Jaebeom has probably never heard of.

Now, with the immoral chance he got, he also noted that besides the sofa, there’s a small green ottoman positioned just below the window. Is that for his dog? What he also noted is that he has a much larger desk than it seems; he kept opening and closing drawers until his face lit up. 

Jaebeom watched as Mark pulled out the box, then a smaller, square-shaped wrapper. He reached for his glasses too and opened the package.

He was looking for damn cleaning tissues for his glasses and Jaebeom wanted to scream. 

A million and one thought has gone through his mind but none of them were “oh maybe he’s just looking for the cleaning wipes”. He pushed his chair off the table and pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes. 

Looking at the clock he realized only five minutes have passed and it was still 15 minutes until the lesson started. Mark’s camera was still on and he was now seated by his table, writing something in his notebook. Jaebeom was baffled at the fact he just opened the application then continued with his time.

Did Mark saw that Jaebeom was already in the room when he came on? Was Mark waiting for his cowardly ass to say good morning and ask him about the course materials or anything else?

Jaebeom’s calm morning became a stormy sea once again that he filled with overthinking. Of course, Mark wouldn’t wait for a student to start a conversation, it was a professional relationship for crying out loud! He decided to just lie on the bed for a bit, calm himself once again until the lesson was due to take place.

He sat on his bed and started cooing at his cat as Mark’s voice rang out through the room. Jaebeom got scared which also alerted his cat as a possible danger and he earned himself a scratch on the hand. 

Silently cursing, because his cat is a lady who won’t tolerate that behavior, he quickly got up. Coming closer to his laptop, he realized he didn’t even understand what Mark said or if it was just a test to see if everything is working correctly. 

And Jaebeom is here to blame because most of the time his speakers end up being relatively quiet. But now, it was Nora who probably had her paws involved in pushing the button until it was up to the maximum noise level.

Sitting at the table, Mark’s voice spoke up again “oh I thought my favorite student is present already but I see he might’ve just entered it earlier than needed.”  
The praise shocked Jaebeom through the whole body and he mustered up all the courage he had just a few minutes ago and turned on his microphone.

“Good morning Mark, sorry I was uh- petting my cat,” that wasn’t a lie but it did sound like a bad one and it made Jaebeom cringe, the sweet feeling of being called Mark’s favorite student gone in a second.

“See that’s why you guys need to have cameras on. I can’t have my students paying attention to other things” Mark laughed. “I have a dog but it’s better if he’s in the living room, he creates too much chaos.”

“I’m sure he’s a good boy. My Nora is already an old lady, she likes her peace.”

“Nora?” Mark repeated with a higher-pitched voice, interest in his voice.

“Oh yeah, my cat. Uh her name means shining?”

“That’s a really pretty name” Mark commented, amid his talking, students started to enter the room, “in today’s lesson we’ll talk about the importance of names in marketing.” 

He spoke over the students greeting him. “Be active, it will be a fun lecture, Mr. Im”

Jaebeom felt like choking on air. The lesson begun without problems and as Mark was swiftly talking about brands doing longitudinal researches on how the audience reacts to names when his Kakao app started blaring out with messages from the chat he has with Jackson and Youngjae.

Jackson: omgggg bro were you talking to the TA???

Youngjae: i don't believe he tried to pull

Jackson: bro tell us what you were talking abt

Jackson: was it nora

Jackson: did you talk abt nora again

Jackson: bro ur never gonna get it like that

Youngjae: who’s nora

Youngjae: jaebeom please it’s not okay to cheat

Jackson: yeah tell him youngjae

Jaebeom was so fed up with these two’s bullshit he actually considered blocking both of them. Grasping the phone in his hands to reply faster, he glanced up the monitor - Mark was still as ethereal as ever.

Jaebeom: you two idiots, nora is a CAT

Jackson: bro youre talking abt the wrong pussy

Jackson: no wait,, wrong

Youngjae: ...sorry Jaebeom, what were you two talking about? 

Sighing in defeat, Jaebeom explained to the two rascals that he just has the custom of entering the room earlier to avoid the queue that forms in the last five minutes that lesson is due to start. He said how Mark greeted him first and Jaebeom admitted to be spending time with his cat.

The two seemed satisfied with his answer and just as Jaebeom pushed his phone to the side, Mark changed his tone and closed the powerPoint Jaebeom could see on the other part of his monitor. 

Clearing his throat, he began talking about the semester project the students will have; it’s in groups and the goal is creating an imaginary product, “imaginary, I beg you, don’t make your imaginary product or spend money” Mark pleaded.

As Mark continued explaining, Jaebeom smiled and thought what could’ve happened for Mark to be so serious.

After the introduction to the project, the lesson continued and Mark was starting to include students to answer some of the more theoretical questions, he called out for Jaebeom who couldn’t hold the blush that appeared on his cheeks. 

The lesson was over sooner than Jaebeom thought it would and Jaebeom was once again, left to himself to wait for another lecture where he can see and talk a bit to Mark. He understands that what he wants is not appropriate but after he’s done with this year he can shoot his shot, right?

And if he and Mark have to keep everything hidden for another year too because Jaebeom is still a student then they’ll overcome that too. 

He daydreamed full of hope. His daydreams spilled from Thursday to Friday and continued flowing into the weekend as well. 

That weekend, he hiked up the mountains, and even from the peak, while surrounded with crisp fresh air and greenery, his mind still wandered off to Mark and how he longs to sit by his laptop and enjoy him.

One day, he promised, Mark and he would take walks and go wherever they wanted and Jaebeom wouldn’t get his tongue-tied when talking to him.


	3. I want to take a walk with Mark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Small things that jaebeom deems to be of great meaning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic might end up having more than 5 chapters bc My chapters always end up so short and idk how to write slower actions or descriptions haha!  
> I’ll work harder🙏🙏

The night before the lecture, Jaebeom slept like a baby.  
Being in the mountains not only helped his busy bee brain to clear out but it also inspired him. New verses and lyrics he was sure they would mean more than the whole world to him after they appeared on paper. 

The pretty words full of meaning were dancing inside his mind as he slept unaware of the weight he’d put onto the paper the next day.

He woke up groggy but after the realization that it was 30 minutes before the lecture, he hurried up to make himself breakfast. 

A simple cereal and coffee would be enough, as he retrieved to his room, he made a glance over his clothing and the surroundings - Nora was peaceful yet again on the footing of his bed and his baggy white sweater made him comfortable in the cold morning.

The time quickly turned into 20 minutes until the lesson so he entered the room, it appeared Mark was already in the room but his camera and microphone weren’t on. 

Jaebeom mentally pumped himself up not to be a chicken and turned on his mic. 

“Hello Mark,” Jaebeom started the chat despite his beating heart, “uh, are you here?”

“Yes, good morning Jaebeom. How did you spend your weekend?”

“I was, uh, in the mountains? Since there are not many places I can go right now. But the mountain air is always a good choice.”

“Oh are you far away from the outskirts of Seoul?” Mark asked curiously. Jaebeom noted how this conversation, and the two before, although very short, still carried meaning and were not the usual subjects reserved for the university classrooms.

The lines between what can and can’t be done were blurred in the new surroundings that they were met with.

Jaebeom took a deep breath before answering, “I guess it depends on how you look at it? For a local, Goyang is not that far away but for a foreigner, it might be.”

Mark laughed at his answer and continued swiftly, “I’m from LA, Jaebeom. Here it could take two hours if you’re driving for just a few blocks in downtown city.”

Cherishing Mark’s answer, Jaebeom stayed silent and started thinking about how can present himself as intelligent to Mark and show that he understands the differences between their upbringings and lives. 

Taking Jaebeom’s silence as a green light to continue, Mark said “I still haven’t bought a car here. You’d think that with the slight salary increase I’d start saving up better to buy one, huh?” Mark laughed cheerily, “I just buy new skins and more figurines!” He added, cheeks still full of laughter and arms lifted in the air.

“Wha- what happened with the project we-” Jaebeom got cut off with several rings coming out his speakers signaling more people could now hear Mark’s and his conversation. 

Quickly turning off his mic and positioning upwards, even if no one could yet see him, Jaebeom acted as if nothing had happened.

The lesson passed by relatively uneventful, Mark was more focused on the powerPoint he prepared that contained all the most frequent Q&A about the project and the rest of the lecture was given as free time for students to choose their groups and imaginary products.

Jaebeom didn’t have to try, he already knew that Jackson and Youngjae probably took all the strings into their hands and choose that them three will be a team until the end of the semester. 

After a quick break that was Youngjae’s laughing, because Jackson's idea for the product they can sell was a toilet brush, they ended up deciding their product will be soap.

Endlessly groaning into his palms, Jaebeom wondered how a group of people studying music, literature, and business management are unable of coming up with something more creative.

After his busy academic day, Jaebeom took the time to rest, thinking back onto yesterday’s day filled with calmness and the exciting morning he had thanks to Mark, he began with the slew of lyrics bubbling inside his head.

“Take a walk” were the most often seen lyrics floating around. Deeming it to be fit, Jaebeom let himself think more about how pressing his lips to Mark’s while they were outside enjoying the black starry sky would be the most ideal situations ever.

“I hope we can shine  
Under the black sky  
I always hope for it  
This road that I’m walking together with you”

-

Entering the online lecture room many minutes before the scheduled lecture began turning into a routine for Mark and Jaebeom. Both of them said nothing about the coincident meetings that took place twice in a working week.

It seemed to be a unanimous, silent agreement and decision they both made, to meet and talk about trivial things that they still cherish lots and lots.

It was never hard for Mark to talk to Jaebeom, he is a TA who speaks daily for a living. 

He’s also a frequent player of online games, communicating with endless amounts of online players from all over the world. Talking to people is something that started to come naturally to Mark, despite the fact he always has been an introvert.

Mark got drawn to Jaebeom because despite the bad boy and “I don’t care about anything” persona, he could've still seen the massive talent and the will to work. 

From other professors, in the academic lounge, he’s heard that Jaebeom is an aspiring musician and that only made him even more fond of the younger.

Despite the regulations and the strict boundary they can not cross, Mark still thought and cared about Jaebeom. 

He was aware that he needs to be careful, what would happen if the university found out about the meetings? 

Would they fire Mark and call him a pervert? 

He always had to keep a line he couldn’t cross inside his mind, always thinking about a topic for a conversation that could always be easily connected to marketing and course materials in case someone saw them. 

He loved his job so much and couldn't risk endangering that.

Mark still silently hoped that one day, once the grueling days of being just a TA for are over, he’ll get piece of freedom he longs for now.

-

What surprised Jaebeom the most when it came to talking to Mark in the weird environment of the online world, is that he didn’t have nearly as many problems to talk to him as he had in real life. 

Sure, his overthinking brain would still make up a ton of different scenarios where things could go wrong and his heart would still go into overdrive when Mark mentioned his name or a particular interest he had during the lecture.

He noted how their relationship, albeit still a professional one, has evolved into a more of a friendly one. 

Jaebeom was satisfied with the improvement but the knacking in his brain wouldn’t go away. 

His heart was greedy. And he longed for so many more things than he has right now. But he couldn't, right?

Four weeks have passed since the first week of the spring semester, Jaebeom looked through the window with a calm reflection on his face as he watched the newly blossomed cherry tree in the park just two houses down his.

If only he could’ve turned one of his daydreams into reality and hold Mark’s dainty but strong arm as they walk wherever they want. 

It doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t. But it does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank u for reading n  
> @ me on offshoredef on twitter if u want  
> or comment on here bc I get “!!!💖” when i see a comment


	4. Nothing like cherry trees make me feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jaebeom does an oopsie :(  
> also I hate this chapter but I hope you do less

It was a Thursday. And for some reason, Thursdays ended up being Jaebeom’s favorite day of the week after the semester began.

He felt more rested on those days, always a little bit more relaxed for whatever reason. Jaebeom woke up at 8:15 in the morning.

Most of the lessons were pushed to be held in the morning and he got used to waking up.

Also, waiting to see Mark always pushed Jaebeom to be on alert not to miss him. 20 minutes until the lesson rolled out and Jaebeom’s anxiety flared up.

It was time to try to execute something that he’s been wishing for since September when he first lied his eyes on Mark. Five months have passed and the novelty of being infatuated by him never went away.

Today, however, he felt the same way as in the physical lessons back at university. He could feel the anxiety eating him away.

Not aware of the time due to his overthinking he was late for Mark’s and his meeting. “Already starting crappy,” he thought to himself.

He heavily sat on his chair and managed to get his keyboard and mouse without knocking anything over. If he wasn't so focused on what he had planned out for that day, he'd probably curse out loud because he suddenly felt snappy and angry.

Mark ended up being the initiator of their meeting.

He wore a big grey sweater with wings on the sleeves that Jaebeom noticed after Mark bent down to pick up something off the floor. His hair was also in its usual position, just lying softly on his forehead. With his comfortable appearance, he could’ve passed as an intern in an IT company that Jaebeom sees on American television.

“Hello Jaebeom, how are you this morning?” Mark started confidently.

Jaebeom had no time to calm down and instead of replying right away, he hung down this head and took another deeper breath. Before he had the chance to answer, Mark beat him to talk. “Is everything okay? You look a bit pale.”

Cursing in his head, Jaebeom closed his eyes and forced himself to smile. “Yeah, no worries!” He felt all other words needed for today’s conversation leaving him and he just stayed silent, with a blank look on his face, already knowing that defeat is coming.

“Jaebeom you know you can trust me with your problems, right? I’m your TA. Not with as much influence as a professor but-”

“That’s the problem.” Jaebeom snapped back.

And so the avalanche began.

Jaebeom couldn't bit his tongue as the next words left his mouth. “Can you not be that?”

At this point he sounded so mad, disappointment overflooding him and his chest felt like there was a bag of sand on it. Nothing was going how he envisioned it in his head.

Why after all the special little moments they shared Mark couldn't understand?

Mark looked shocked and he appeared to be speechless until he found his voice and asked in a professional tone, “I don’t understand. Do you not like my teaching? Is the coursework problem?” He was genuinely concerned, in the dark and unaware of Jaebeom’s hidden feelings.

That is, hidden until now.

“I LIKE YOU!” Jaebeom raised his voice loud enough for his cat to get startled.

“I like you more than a- an assistant.”

He threw his arms in the air, signifying and proceeded with slouching back against the chair backrest, turning himself sideways, looking at the door.

Not wanting to talk more, or even look at Mark. He waited like a stubborn, hurt kid for the reply to his confession.

If he already fucked it up until this point, he might as well wait for Mark’s answer.

He felt the bitter feeling in his throat; from both biting back the hurtful words that could jump out unexpectedly and hurt Mark, who still had to be given the utmost respect because fate really hated Jaebeom and had to make Mark a teacher's assistant; and the disgust of knowing what's coming next.

“Jaebeom I,” Mark started slowly, almost cautiously as to not hurt him more, “I’m sorry but I’m just your TA. We can't be in a relationship like that.”

The younger man didn’t even hear wavering in the TA’s voice. Jaebeom bitterly nodded his head.

Mark was so confident in what he was saying and Jaebeom knew that he shouldn’t try firing back a reply.

He desperately wanted to say how that doesn’t matter. But if he did, the bitter tears that found a place inside his eyes would soon flow down his cheeks. He had to keep his cool for just one second.

Turning his head, Jaebeom looked up to the monitor - it seemed that in this short exchange, Mark managed to look slightly troubled but the professionalism was still there. He swore he wanted to hate him at that moment.

Instantly dragging himself out of voicing any appearing thoughts. Jaebeom decided to just give up and tame the unspoken emotions threatening to flow out in the form of incoherent sentences. Instead, he just abruptly sat up and spat out “Whatever.”

Not giving Mark any time to answer back, Jaebeom left the chat, managing to miss the button a couple of times but eventually closing the whole application.

His attendance can suffer for one missed lesson, now it was more important to cry it out in bed and sort what was there out of the feelings Mark invoiced in Jaebeom's chest and his own destructive daydreams that are the only ones to blame alongside Jaebeom.

A few minutes after, Jaebeom realized his phone won't stop ringing. Not wanting to get up but also adamant about making his phone shut up, he opened the Kakao talk flooded with messages from Jackson and Youngjae.

Apparently some of the students were already in the room waiting for the lesson when they heard Jaebeom snapping at Mark and disconnecting right away.

Jaebeom pleaded to them to just lie that it was about the upcoming project and prayed that there weren’t more of the early birds who could’ve heard his terrible, rude confession.

Jackson: you can tell us wht happnd if you went away so fast

Youngjae: Mark doesn’t look that happy either

Youngjae: did you yell at him Jackson: did he yell at you!?

Jaebeom: kinda.. and no

Youngjae: tell us come on Youngjae: we can def help

Jaebeom: can you make him fall in love with me

Jaebeom: bc now its a TINY BIT one-sided

Jackson: oh no bro

Youngjae: wanna talk about it?

Jaebeom: i’ll b fine

Jackson: i mean. man i’m sorry but he wouldn't date you even if he wanted

Jackson: to keep a face like that you need a regular paycheck

Youngjae: jacks now is not the time

Jaebeom: i'll be fine i swear. just don’t pester..

Jackson: we love you man. take care please

Youngjae: *spam of heart emojis*

Jaebeom sighed, threw his phone back to the desk, and returned to bed.

Today and existing can wait until tomorrow.

He managed to spend a whole day in the bed, lying to his parents he was feeling ill. His red face and too many tissues thrown on the floor made them believe him despite Jaebeom’s history of trying to ditch school at every opportunity.

Lying in bed and thinking about the first week when lessons started again, Jaebeom came to a conclusion at how he could’ve just accepted the small, blessed grain of having the opportunity to talk to Mark with the smallest interruptions in the comfort of his own home.

Realistically, he understood the rejection. He was aware that every form of a relationship where students and university personnel were anything more than strictly professional, was prohibited.

But why couldn't there be an exception? If they didn't know they wouldn't be able to do anything to Mark or Jaebeom.

He had the two sides sorted out in his mind. What happened and what could've happened, and each one has its pros and cons. Jaebeom could see them but once again, his heart was greedy, and the tiniest part of a child's stubbornness never left him.

He didn't know what to do, what to say on Monday's lesson or how to proceed. But that could be sorted out another day.

It was for when the disappointment slowly bled out of him and Jaebeom felt lighter and ridden of negativity.


	5. Oh when you call my name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a bigger dive into jaebeom's feelings and Jackjae holding and intervention cuz they need their friend back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as stray kids once said, Ige uri tang tang tangtang but to me it's just. short chapters and?? poop
> 
> tell me what you think and take care <3

Confessing to Mark didn't take a weight off of Jaebeom’s chest as he was hoping it would happen.

What he was expecting was to feel like he was being surrounded with cherry blossoms just before the sun starts to set and of one's heart and feels as it is lifted the sky with the magic that is love and feeling light without care and a troubled mind.

Instead, Jaebeom felt as if it's a rainy day.

But not the end of the July rains that he enjoys while he sits somewhere outside with his friends drinking soju.

It's the autumn rainy days. Those that turn beautiful orange leaves and threaten to make you slide and fall while you are walking. It's the days to make one feel just plain crappy from the cold rain and negative feelings that it brings around.

Some people like autumn, the cold, the grey.

Jaebeom found himself focused on the word, grey. In between black and white, in between the good and the bad, negative, and positive.

The relationship he built with Mark felt like grey. It had the beautiful, white shining start, and the positivity he felt from it was the talks they had.

True, it was the only thing they had. But Jaebeom saw more than just talking; it was a progression. In the beginning, he was so scared to talk to Mark. Constantly having his tongue-tied or plain just not saying anything because of the dread that Mark would laugh at him.

The negative easily outweighed the positive. There the dread of other people knowing about their secret was held. Also, suppressed feelings. And of course, the fear and the expected rejection from Mark’s side.

Still, it was grey. Jaebeom wouldn't let the negativity take down what was so present in his heart.

It might have been darker than what he hoped for, but it will be still left as a memory.

When it came to how Jaebeom would approach Mark again and how he will try to act like an honor student who does his job 120 %, Jaebeom realized he had no answer to it. He knew that he should respect Mark, answer if he’s called out, but whenever he imagined the scenario coming to life, he didn’t want to try.

Now after Jaebeom finally voicing out his feelings and them stopping being a secret and the main subject of Jackson and Youngjae’s gossip, Jaebeom knew that if there weren’t online lectures, Mark probably wouldn't even look his way if it wasn't for the sole purpose of doing his TA job.

Jaebeom remembered, before they were sent home for the New Year’s break, Mark smiled at him exactly three times during the winter semester.

A possibly pathetic thing to remember, but just like anything in his life, Jaebeom cherished the memory.

The smiles went as follows;

The first time Mark smiled at Jaebeom was at one of the module’s introductory lessons. Jaebeom back then admitted he had no prior knowledge of the discipline he was about to study. “Mr. Tuan, but truth be told, I’m excited to learn something new but I have no idea what this course is going to be about.” A mistake.

Mark was already looking at Jaebeom’s way so the younger man didn't think he could be surprised by anything new he did.

In that second week of his second year at university, Jaebeom already felt mad in love with Mark, but seeing his pearly whites just cemented that down even more. Anyway, Jaebeom got surprised by seeing Mark’s smile.

He confidently walked a few steps closer to the right side of the auditorium Jaebeom was sitting and said “So you didn’t read the syllabus. Is that what you meant to say? Am I correct?”

Jaebeom stayed silent, eyes wide, and suddenly feeling hyper-focused on how his cheeks are hot from embarrassment.

If he played it out better, he could’ve enjoyed Mark’s perfect smile a little longer. Instead, he hung his head lower and decided to just block out the goof he said and remember the smile #1 Mark gave him. Smiling at Jaebeom’s stupidity of being smart, he didn’t care.

The second time Mark smiled at Jaebeom was that one November day when the younger man was late due to staying up too late working on yet another song.

Jaebeom still recalled how bad he felt for oversleeping and how he was determined to say his deepest apologies to Mark once he entered the classroom. However, Mark’s works upon Jaebeom’s unceremonial arrival were soft as he lightly welcomed him in and sent a dainty smile his way.

Of course, Jaebeom blushed that time too, feeling bared as if now everyone knows about his dumb crush on the teacher’s assistant.

When Jaebeom said that he might have a small crush on Mark, the first thing that came out of Jackson’s mouth was a screech followed by a “Three thousand people on the campus and you find a TA to crush on!? God Jaebeom, I thought you were smarter than that bro.” He tsked as to get his point across even more and focused back on his readings.

Last time in real life, and third time in general, was his favorite ‘Mark smiled at me’ moments.

That day the class was divided into small groups and each was given its case study where they had to point out the pros and cons of the campaign and values a brand has. Jaebeom, although still clueless about all things economic and the word plays in the business world, still found the case study interesting. Haagen Dazs ice cream brand incorporates the value of family for that reason!?

When Mark visited his group, Jaebeom was unusually quick to point out their values. Mark looked satisfied by his answer - he gave Jaebeom the widest smile until then.

And not only did Jaebeom feel the rush of electricity he has grown to call love, but he also felt victorious to prove himself even just a bit in Mark's eyes.

* * *

It was Saturday. And Jaebeom felt lost at what to do. Usually, if he felt any better, he’d probably play video games with Youngjae the whole night.

This particular one, however, he sat on the couch with his parents. It has been a long time since he enjoyed hanging out with the two most special people in his life.

Today, their company was truly the only thing Jaebeom craved. Making a nice dinner then having caramel popcorn for dessert as they watched comedy movies on TV.

It made him feel so much better. His parents sensed that there must’ve been something more than just a ‘cold’ as Jaebeom informed them but they decided not to pick him about that. Instead, they cocooned their only son in a blanket and positioned him in the middle of the couch. Their eyes were on the movie they were watching but every few minutes they would shortly comment on how they are proud of their son; for growing up well and not being trouble, for wanting to help the cat shelter that was in financial troubles, for being the first one in the family to get a university degree.

Jaebeom listened to them closely and made sure to drink up all the positive words and love, feeling them move the insecurity that sat in his chest.

Everything his parents said reminded him that if just one thing doesn’t go his way, it doesn’t mean that the rest will fail too.

* * *

The weekend passed in a fog and Monday rolled out earlier than Jaebeom would have liked it. He still felt unsure and didn’t know what to do.

Only four days ago passed since Thursday's Heartbreak Shitshow and he didn’t want to show his face to Mark.

“Not that he’d even look at my window on the application.” Jaebeom imagined Mark looking for a piece of cardboard then just sticking it over him so he doesn’t have to look at him.

Cringing at the thought, he made his way to the desk and opened up the app hosting all their online lessons. That Monday morning was the first one that they wouldn’t meet beforehand.

Jaebeom sat on his bed, it was a windy day that made the oak tree’s branches near his bedroom play with the sun rays which ended up dancing and making pretty patterns on his bed. Nora slept there too, curled up around herself, she looked so peaceful and Jaebeom let himself enjoy that little piece of paradise and tranquility as the thoughts wildly danced in the back of his mind. He wanted so bad to go and turn on his laptop - 20 minutes until 8 am was slowly rolling out. But he couldn’t do that and hurt himself even more.

Mark wouldn’t be there waiting for him, for this “favorite student” as he once said. Jaebeom took his phone and opted to just go mindlessly watch some videos until the lesson was just about to start.

The lesson was just as he predicted - Mark not calling out his name at all, Jaebeom paying barely any attention but having to be present because he really couldn’t afford to get negative attendance points.

The morning of Thursday was the start of Jaebeom learning to occupy his mind with something so he wouldn’t feel the need to go and wait for Mark to enter the online room.

So that’s how it ended up being. Jaebeom turned 180° when it came to caring about the module. Every lesson they had, Jaebeom always entered among the late students, wanting his name to disappear quickly into the chat as his peers spammed the chat with good morning messages or gifs of sleepy people or coffee. He was present at every lecture but his mind would go running around and his thoughts became mushy.

* * *

Jackson and Youngjae quickly caught up on the way the oldest of the three was distressed. Not only was he not active during lectures, but he also rejected the plans to work on their group project three times already.

Kakao talk update: 5:12 pm, group name [soap musketeers] has been changed to [intervention chat] by Wang Jackson

Jackson: Jaebeomie, Yj and I have been talking. We know that you are hurting over the rejection but you can’t sabotage yourself like this. Not only will you suffer from this stubbornness but you are also messing up our group project

Youngjae: look we want the best for you but it’s been like three weeks…

Youngjae: at this point we’re sure and we see how much Mark meant to you but

Youngjae stopped typing as Jackson already sent out another message

Jackson: what Youngjae is tryna say is that it’s time the old JB comes back

Jackson: We said we know you’re hurting but your friends now need you -

Jackson: the same way we supported you

Jaebeom saw the constructed emotions of his favorite university friends, even just over the phone chat, he understood how Jackson and Youngjae must’ve felt about his behavior. He wanted to hug them for the nice way they put it out and also appreciated the fact they glanced over “when you didn’t move from bed in two days and cried” big time. Feeling the rush of guilt because of his actions, he put his friends into an awkward position just because he selfishly wanted to ignore everything related to Mark in his free time.

Jaebeom: I’m sorry.. I know that it wasn’t right to ignore you guys and the projects

Jaebeom: I didn’t want to put you in trouble

As Jaebeom wanted to write another apology, Jackson was faster to write another message. Jackson: things will get resolved soon, but now we need our partner to help us out ok

Jackson: next part of the project is messy af

Youngjae: literally, Jackson and I tried doing it and nothing seemed right

Jackson: we might need help from Mark

Jackson: but let’s try together just once, okay?

Jaebeom cursed ever going to university but reluctantly agreed. His hurt pride wasn’t important in this scenario. It was important to do the job well and stop being a pussy. Youngjae was depending on the scholarship the same way as Jaebeom and they were both more than aware not to be funny and do the best they can.

Jaebeom: god… only because I love you

Jaebeom: but how do I act or talk to him!?

Jackson: bro it’s a professional environment, just ignore the feels for one hour MAX

Youngjae: just once for us, okay?

Youngjae: You’ll live it through

Jackson: we promise

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you think the ending sucks... NO its just a cliffhanger they are meant to be like that yes mhmm i write te rules over ere bye luv you


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